Kurt's back from vacation; consider yourself warned.
During the past week I've had occasion to drive through Kansas twice, and I've been prompted to ask the following question:
What the hell's wrong with you, Kansas? Seriously, like the only cool part of the state is overflow from Missouri. Plus that wind farm neighborhood of mile marker 215. Other than that, though...
Get this: as soon as you enter from the Colorado side, you get a billboard advertising the Oz Museum in three hundred miles. The Wizard of Oz seems to be Kansas's claim to fame, a story about a girl who left Kansas. In fact, I think the iconic line from the movie "We're not in Kansas anymore" was misread. I think Dorothy was trying to sum up her impressions of Oz, and even though it was frightening, she decided she liked it because at least "we're not in Kansas anymore". Speaking of leaving Kansas...
Dorothy's not the only one who wanted out. No less than three towns along I-70 boast to be the home of astronauts, also known as people-who-wanted-to-leave-Kansas-so-badly-they-fled-the-planet. Giving credit where credit is due, that joke was Abby's. Speaking of things not-on-this-planet...
Halfway through the state I got vocally tired of seeing billboards saying that Jesus is real, or that he trusts me (boy, has he misplaced his faith... pause for irony), or the fun little plywood-and-paint-in-a-cornfield signs telling me that abortion is murder. Christ on a cracker, people, if I'm old enough to drive and haven't already made up my mind about abortion and/or God, and the first five billboards haven't swayed me, what do you think the odds are that the sixth is gonna do it? Speaking of billboards...
Russel, Kansas (exit 184) has several billboards advertising camping and dining, only the ads don't use words for those, they use the little icons you see on interstate signs and put them across the bottom. Camping, for example, is represented by a teepee. Because that's what people camp in. Right, then. 90% of the billboard was a sunset with a silhouette of two kids on a tire swing. This prompted the following joke: "Look, hon, at exit 184 they've got a tree and a swing." Speaking of exits...
The one place that would have been interesting to visit is in Topeka, at the Brown vs. Topeka Board of Education Historical Site. That's right, a state that celebrates its ex-pats also celebrates the monumental court decision that it lost!!! For those of you playing at home, Brown v. Topeka was the Supreme Court decision in which segregation was deemed unconstitutional. Abby suggested (she was all about the funny this trip) that we go in, point out how they were wrong about segregation, and then ask them how sure they were about their policies towards teaching evolution in school.
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3 comments:
I one saw a sign while driving through Kansas that was so poorly laid out that it appeared to read, "Abortion stops a beating." I was a bit taken aback at what had to be the worst pro-choice slogan EVER, until I realized that the tiny picture of a heart shoved into the corner was supposed to be the last word in the phrase.
The one thing Kansas does have to its credit is nice rest stops.
And, just an update on what one can find on the internet - the 15 mile stretch of windfarm on I-70 is the Smokey Hills Wind Farm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoky_Hills_Wind_Farm). And google searching to find more info on it, found someone who actually thinks the windfarm is a blight and ruins the Kansas countryside (http://www.wind-watch.org/news/2007/11/13/smoky-hill-wind-turbines-a-blight-to-central-kansas/). What next? They want us to tear down the few lonely trees left as well? Ah, Kansas.
You think driving through Kansas is bad, try living there. You know you can't even buy liquor on a Sunday?
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